How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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