we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
