I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
