# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
