i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
