WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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