roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
