Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
