You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
