Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
