I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
