and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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