the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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