I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
