Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
