there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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