Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
