I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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