it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
