Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All the doctor said was why
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
