Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
