Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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