Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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