Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
