I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
