note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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