I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
