i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
