He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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