So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
