You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
