Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
