Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
