Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
