My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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