The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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