My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
