i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
