Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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