Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Less talking, more tequila
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
