I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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