i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My dick has a subreddit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
