I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
