he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
