Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
