i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
