I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
