People with herpes should wear stickers.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My feet surprised me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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