Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
