the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish my penis had a tongue
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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