I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
