This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
